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towelday.net > DNA, the Universe & Everything Else > Creative Genius > Vogon Poetry
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Author Topic: Vogon Poetry  (Read 1898 times)
Kilman
Global Moderator
Frood
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Posts: 283
« on: May 31, 2009, 04:33:11 PM »
OK, so here is some really bad poetry I wrote:

Forecasting tornadoes in Kansas is effortless
whenever sandblasted in the outhouse
avoidance is critical and fundamental
until notice is forcibly made conscious

Experience beats predictive failures
They expunge thoughts better abandoned
and waste my time never precious
carelessly cackling portentous declaration

But first hand elevated surprise
tossed raggedly and shredded
thrust multi-directionally
and made to fertilize
Logged
The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of flying.
There is an art, it says, or rather a knack to flying.
The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Pick a nice day, it suggests, and try it.
---Life, the Universe, and Everything
VogonGirl
Hitchhiker
**
Posts: 207
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2009, 08:50:48 PM »
Ok so this is some of my bad poetry

I like to smile and I bet you do too
So this is how I smile Grin

I’m not sure how you smile but
I just like to smile

Just remember that frowning
Takes more muscle power than
Smiling dose Cheesy
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Grate Oracle Lewot
Frood
***
Posts: 251
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2010, 10:52:03 PM »
Well, this post is almost as delayed as most airplanes, but I found a couple of Vogon Poems I wrote back on Father Kojv's forum.

Here is the first one:

If I Were a Piece of Thread

If I were a piece of thread
Balancing on a needle
With two magnetic appendages on my ends
And the same poles were facing each other
So I balanced by magnetism
Well, that would be fun.

But I just remembered that
The magnets would attach to the needle
Because it's made of metal
And pull me down with them
So it wouldn't be fun after all.
Oh well.
Scrap that idea.



And here is the far superior second one:

Fop

Fop.
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". . . We realised we had been myopically shortsighted to think this thing was just an adding machine. . . . So we began to develop it as a super typewriter. With a long and increasingly incomprehensible feature list. Users of Microsoft Word will know what I'm talking about."

--Douglas Adams
Kilman
Global Moderator
Frood
*****
Posts: 283
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2010, 08:31:38 AM »
I remember those, or at least I remember the more memorable second one...  Cheesy
Logged
The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of flying.
There is an art, it says, or rather a knack to flying.
The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Pick a nice day, it suggests, and try it.
---Life, the Universe, and Everything
Grate Oracle Lewot
Frood
***
Posts: 251
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2010, 03:41:47 PM »
I believe I had another one called Airline Food, but it wasn't very funny. It did too much referencing of things.
Logged
". . . We realised we had been myopically shortsighted to think this thing was just an adding machine. . . . So we began to develop it as a super typewriter. With a long and increasingly incomprehensible feature list. Users of Microsoft Word will know what I'm talking about."

--Douglas Adams
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